I Do Not Seek, I Find
by slashburd
Summary: It's all about the game, and how you play it, It's all about control, and if you can take it. Want to know more? If slash offends, please don't read. You have been warned! Strong elements of BDSM and some bad language!
1. Chapter 1

**Note: Not sure where this is going (i.e. chapters etc) Ask Hunter – I just did the typing XD**

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See, when you ask Hunter for something, well if I can give it, you'll get it. I mean that. To my good friends I'm the most generous person they know. To my lovers, well, they never leave unhappy. I'm just that kinda guy.

I never go looking for trouble, or for fucks as it happens. They just seem to like falling in my lap and hell, I'm not gonna stop 'em if they're willing either way. I've seen my fair share of action with my fists, a little more with my crotch and sometimes, if I'm lucky the two sorta crossover. They're the best ones. The feisty ones who think they're gonna get the better of me. I tell ya, they ain't got a prayer or a clue.

That's the mistake that Hardy kid made when he came running his mouth off to me, telling me to stay away from his brother. Truth is, I never touched Jeff. The kid needed a friend and well, I feel for him and all he's gotten into but he's not my type. He spent a coupla days at my place hiding out and everyone assumed we were getting it on. So the kid goes home and a few days later I get a visit from big bad Matt Hardy.

Now see, that's not going to scare me if some punk ass gets a little too big for his wrestling boots and comes to face off with me. In fact, although its the oldest sorta locker room drama, y'know, I kinda like it. They try and take down the big man to prove a point and its generally me. Yeah, they don't tackle 'Taker cos he's _too_ big but they think I'm fair game. I just tell them to bring it; and yeah, I am that confident in my skills.

I heard a few things about Matt that he thought nobody knew when Jeff was telling me his troubles. They left me feeling that he was struggling to find a way to let his frustration and anger out now Jeff was finding his own way. Maybe that's why he'd picked me, because Jeff trusted me. I don't know. He rocked up to my place, shouting the odds, telling me how he was gonna kick my ass for fucking his baby brother. I just stood there, arms crossed, smiling at him till the little punk burnt his rage out. Sure I probably made him a little worse by smiling all through it but he picked the wrong guy to fight.

Looking back, if he hadn't made the error of getting right up in my face, standing nose to prominent nose, (yeah, have your laughs, you're real funny, I've heard 'em all before) then maybe I wouldn't have grabbed him by the ball chain he had round his neck and started to choke the air outta him. I had to make the kid shut up. That fucking dumb-as-shit hick accent was really getting broad as he shouted and it was giving me ball ache.

Yeah, you heard right, ball ache. You see, those Southern boys are the ones that get a real big rise outta me. Words just drip outta their mouths like syrup off a short stack. And don't judge me, we've all got a weakness. I closed my eyes and laughed as Matt was starting to splutter and all I saw in my mind's eye was the Southern slut that broke my heart and then got the fuck outta Dodge. He was now busy learning to speak French and driving on fucking snowchains in Canada. I don't wanna go into details but I'm sure you can go figure on that one.

I let go of the chain and threw Matt back, landing him squarely on his ass in the dirt of the yard. He'd almost got me to the point I never let myself get to. If it starts flicking my switch I kill it off, you know how the song goes don't you? I'm all about control. Control, pain and dominance.

I never expected him to lunge at me like he did, spearing me in through the door and onto the floor in the hallway. He was pretty quick for his size, fists flying but not making much of an impact other than a coupla handy tags. I wriggled out and kneed him in the guts, stopping him dead just long enough to flip him onto his back and dig my knee into his chest. See, nobody gets on top of Hunter. Nobody.

He made a sight, that's for sure. All blustered out, struggling to catch his breath, dark hair fanned out all over the wood flooring like a pool of ink had gushed out of his head. Dark hair has never done it for me and I've always gone for blondes. Thing is I've learned the hard way that they're too damned flighty and its never worked out. Maybe I should've stood up and just thrown Matt out the door, slammed his ass with it on the way out and thought no more about him. Problem was I looked down at his neck and there was a real pretty welt forming where that chain had dug into his tanned skin. That ball ache surged through me again and I knew I wanted to reach down and drag my nails over the twisted up flesh just to hear him curse at me again in that mellow accent.

His breathing was a bit slower now although I could tell that my knee had really knocked the wind outta him. I thought I'd maybe test the water, knowing now I could take him down real easy if he started brawling again. Slowly I rubbed one hand over his gut while apologising for catching him so rough. I worked my hand in slow circles, making sure to press a little harder where I'd made the most contact with my knee, hearing the gasps coming from between those plump lips.

Once I get a reaction it's a like a moth to a flame with me. Trouble is I keep going till either I get burned or I get a chance to make that candle burn brighter – understand? No, thought not. It was a good job I was knelt with my groin outta his eye level though as things were happening. The feel of his muscles with that layer of bruised and yielding flesh protecting them was all good. Real good.

Pushing my luck a little I pulled his t-shirt up, making some lame excuse about seeing if I'd done any damage. He struggled a little beneath me but I told him to knock it off and let me check him out. Using my free hand to pin his shoulder to the floor I stroked the reddened skin and it was soft and warm to the touch. I wondered if the rest of him felt that good and knew then I'd do my damnedest to find out.

With a glance out of the corner of my eye I saw his face twist up, brow furrowing hard as I pressed down on his gut. I must've caught the sweet spot as his hips jerked and he clamped his lips together a split second too late to stop the mewl escaping into the air. He had a deep blush covering his cheeks. Just what I was hoping for. Little Jeff had told me how his big brother liked to get beat on and had even asked him to do it a few times when they'd had too much to drink. Course, he'd always told Matt where to go, or so he told me.

I smirked at Matt and he looked away, straining his neck to look anywhere but up at me. He muttered under his breath and I didn't quite catch the words. I asked him if he'd got something he wanted to get off his chest, hoping but not expecting that he was gonna ask me not to stop. He ignored me totally and I couldn't help but wonder if it was deliberate. I knew lots of subs who played these kinda games, trying to reel you in without asking for what they want. Matt wasn't going to get the top out of me if he couldn't bottom to me, simple as that. That's how this shit works best.

I unpinned his shoulder and grabbed his face, sinking my fingers into the red hot cheeks, dragging his head around until he faced me. I glared at him, making it quite clear where the power was and always would be. I asked him again what he'd said and his dark eyes seemed to flash almost verdigris as they narrowed. For a moment I could see the spark of his baby brother in there; a sign of the wild side that had tainted their gene pool and turned Jeff into the sweet but tormented fuck-up that he was today.

Finally I saw his lips move and he asked me to let him up in a tone very much like a sulky child. I laughed and shook my head, informing him that if he'd wanted to get up he would've done it by now. Sure, he started to argue but I knew what it would take to get my intentions through his dense country skull. I rubbed my hand down over the straining denim that tugged the buckle of his belt away from his skin and the words turned to stifled growls. My mind raced with the possibilities of what could be.

Finding the head of the shaft was easy, the kid clearly had something to shout about in there which proved that finally, some locker room shit was true. I used two fingers to pinch it through the barrier the jeans provided drawing a groan from those pretty lips. Imagining the pain it caused hitched my breath as it tried to leave my lungs. If I was playing with this kid like I would a normal guy I'd have stripped and ridden him hard until I came deep inside right there. Unlucky for him that the signals were all there that I could push him further.

I think he needed it and I damn sure wanted to give it to him.

Did I think he could take it? Perhaps. Did I care? By that point, no.

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**A/N: Another fic inspired by the latest spate of Twitter chats that's been going on. Dedicated to Dark Kaneanite's toyboxed Matt/Roadrunner tweets and interjections from the useless dom that is Wrestlefan4's slutty Y2J XD. All comments appreciated. Again, its meant to sound in character but please bear in mind its Hunter and he's not got a massive amount to work with – apart from nose-wise and maybe in his trunks. I've not got that far yet XD**


	2. Chapter 2

Note: There is quite a bit of **strong** profanity in this chapter. Its in context but I'm stating it from the outset so please don't hate if you've chosen to ignore this thanks!

First a public service announcement by Hunter Muse:

_You remember where we were right? If not, back it up and refresh your memory. I'm not here to hold your damned hand. But if you're as lazy as me you won't bother so I'll summarize very briefly. Me and Hardy Boy Sr, on the floor and ironing a few things out. _

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I used the size of my hand to cover most of his obvious bulge and dug my fingers into the flesh of his groin. I could feel that the kid was already hardening up nicely and knew my fingers would be starting to feel like a vice. I slid my knee off his chest and heard the air rush back into his lungs. He pushed his head hard against the floor and tilted it up to open his throat wider which exposed the soft skin of his neck. Did he really think I was gonna let a chance like that pass?

I bent down and sunk my teeth into his neck, biting down hard, trying to get across what my intentions and expectations were. I sucked like a vampire bat as the panting and growls from his gaping mouth echoed in the hall. If you must know I wanted that kid to want this more than anything else. Tasting the rawness of the damaged skin I'd created really did it for me. I tightened my grip around his cock and again his hips came up to meet my hand. I reckoned I was on the right track treating him so rough.

Between the strangulated cries I heard my name being called and I nearly lost it again. You wanna know why we make subs and slaves call us Sir? Well that's your reason right there. We're only human. If you've never been there, never been busy ripping the control outta someone and taking it all for yourself you've got no idea just how it feels. There's no subtle whispered shit about making love, no gentle caressing. It's brutal, really fucking brutal at times, but when they want it, I give it, just like I said.

The kid squirmed on the floor, there for the taking but I wasn't done yet. Not by a long way.

As I pulled my mouth off his neck and moved my hand away I looked down at him, the confusion spreading across his face. I always liked this part best where they never know what to do next. He didn't do anything wrong and as far as he was concerned he was making all the right noises and reacting to it just like he should. You think you got a read on me kid? Fuck, no. If anyone thinks I'm just gonna play patsy and make this easy then they don't know how the game is played my way.

I told him how pretty he looked, laid there with a massive hickie on his neck, groaning and panting like a slut. Mocking him I moaned like he'd been doing not so long since. After scowling and telling me to fuck off he started trying to sit up. I let him get so far and then pushed him back down, his shoulders thudding down onto the floor. He used his elbows to prop himself back up, the effort it was taking etched on his face. I smirked and waited for him to get so far and then whacked him back down again with nothing more than a push to the middle of his heaving chest.

I could see he was getting worked up and I thought sparks were about to fly. The adrenaline was pumping and as I knelt over him the rush was something I'd not felt for a while. My own jeans struggled to keep things in check, the throbbing stronger than my own heartbeat. I offered my hand to him, letting him think I was gonna help him up. If he fell for this then maybe he was dumber than I gave him credit for.

He slapped my hand away and swore at me again. Grabbing his face hard I pulled him towards me and studied the look he gave me, checking his eyes for what I wanted to see. Underneath the sparkle, behind the anger at the corners I wanted to see the answer. I wanted to see that this kid was gonna give it up to me and let me give him what I believed we both needed and desired.

You see, I'm not an animal. I'm not like fucking Orton who pins these kids down and fucks them to within an inch of their lives. I don't get pleasure outta half raping newbies and wannabes who have their eyes set on the gold. That's not what a real man does and it sure as hell isn't what a true top does. I want to control them but only if they want to let me. Sure I can get off on someone telling me to stop as I'm fucking them hard against a cold floor but I've gotta know they've got their legs open by force and choice at the same time. Domination is a headfuck for all concerned, are you getting that now?

I was shocked by the tears that welled in the kid's eyes, I gotta admit. I never expected this to mean that much. And there is a difference. There was no sobbing, no curling up in a ball to weep like a bitch. These tears are different, a whole damned world apart. I started to wonder if he'd been taken this far before now his bravado had started to fade.

See, it turns out life taught me that true tops are almost harder to find than true bottoms. There's a whole lot of pretenders on both sides of the fence and I tell you now, two pairs of cheap handcufffs and a $10 sex store whip ain't gonna make you a good top same as just begging while still wiggling your sweet ass in the air ain't gonna make you a good bottom neither. I'd bet that this kid had been fucked over by an amateur or just too scared to do anything about his desires in the past.

I always tell by their eyes. If what I want is there, whether they truly know it yet or not, I'll see it. You imagine how this kid is feeling right now. I beat him a little, groped and twisted at his cock, pushed him around and still I'm here holding all the cards, staring right up in his face. Every shred of him is screaming to punch me in the nose (yeah, I know, easy target huh), to fight me until he can get out that door, jump into his truck and leave. He wants to call me a fucker, a bastard, an asshole; tell me to let go, get off, maybe even to keep my filthy queer hands to myself.

But he can't. Not for all the whores in Texas, all the tea in China or even all the cum in the Divas. I'd also be wiling to bet that its that kind of silence that's been killing him inside most of his adult life.

And you know, its not the vulnerability I get off on, that's too easy to play at when all the time they're lying there thinking they got one up on me. I want the ones that need this to feel complete, the ones who daren't tell anyone how rough they like it or that they want to be brought to tears before they're allowed to cum. I only want the ones who know that earning their release is what they've craved every night of their lives before they've come to me. You might think that makes me a sicko. I don't agree but hell, I don't care either.

He blinked and one lonely tear ran down his cheek until it hit the side of my hand. I sat back on my heels for a moment, moved my hand up to my mouth and licked the moisture from my skin, the salty taste of his need like the finest wine on my tongue. I smiled at him, his eyes locked intently on mine unfalteringly as I grabbed a handful of his hair. I tugged it taut and stroked it with my thumb, catching on his scalp as I pressed down. Slowly I pulled him towards me and tilted my head, looking for all the world that I wanted a kiss.

I slackened my grip on the hair just enough to allow him to make his own way towards my mouth, his big eyes closed and lips wetted. I didn't move to meet him and simply waited for his eyes to open again and wonder where the hell I'd gone. After a couple of moments he did, the hurt clear to see. Rejection is the all time low ain't it? Nothing like getting knocked back to kick your legs out from underneath you.

I knew his head would be spinning. The confusion of thinking he'd got me figured out and his assumption that I really wanted him clashing with the sensation of the unmet lips would give anyone a headache right? His eyes looked away from mine and I knew he'd feel embarrassed and, well, maybe even a little ashamed of himself for giving in depending on where his head was at.

Without warning I smashed my lips into his, using the handful of twisted hair to pull his head close and ensuring there was no chance of escape. I plunged my tongue into his mouth and explored all of it as roughly and deeply as I could. I knew the kid was enjoying it, it was always gonna feel good to him after how I'd treated him so far. He tried to respond and I'll admit I gave in a little, there has to be some payoff for good behaviour. The feeling of his more than capable mouth gave me some pretty pornographic ideas about how best to use it later. Yet again I was tempted to just flip him over right there in the hall but I shelved the images knowing they'd definitely be surpassed by what was to come.

I broke the kiss first, after all, that's what this was about. Me being in charge. Letting the hair fall back into place I spent a moment just looking at his face, eyes still watery, lips flushed red with the blood that had rushed into them and drawn to a semi-snarl. I liked that the kid hadn't gone all puppy dog on me. He knew he'd wanted that kiss, I could tell. His expression told me that he was feeling downright guilty that he'd given in to himself and to me. I liked the feeling that he wasn't going to make this too easy. That's my boy.

I stood up, knees a little achy from being so long on the cold floor. His eyes followed me as I towered over him and reached my hand out for him to take. I knew this time he wouldn't knock it away and if he did take it, we could work with this. He would be showing that he trusted me now, could give himself over to me in the safety that all bottoms need to feel. Sure I'd built him up and knocked him down but that's how it goes, the kiss should've been enough of a sign that I didn't want to hurt him any more than he needed to be hurt.

He grabbed my hand I braced myself against his weight as he pulled hard against me. I waited for him to stand but he used the leverage to bring himself up to a squat and then dropped forward onto his knees. With no prompting from me he let go of my hand and brought his knees together, sat back on his heels and bowed his head down, placing his hands interlocked behind his back.

I reached down to stroke his hair to reward him for his breathtaking obedience and felt his body shaking. Squatting down I hooked a finger under his chin and brought his face up to look at mine. I opened my mouth to speak but before I could three words emerged from the kid's mouth that shattered the silence and summed up everything I was about to say and more.

"Teach me, S-Sir."

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**A/N: Right, so chapter 2 has happened already. Hunter muse has been on my back all goddamned day and this is the result. Stuck with the format apart from the last three words so I think that's an ok job. All reads and reviews appreciated as ever whether you think this worked out or not :)**


	3. Chapter 3

I hate it when people use the word training. Training is a term for dogs and ponies. You don't train someone to be your lover, or even a better lover so why would it apply to a sub? I prefer grow or learn; they can learn to be a sub and grow to be a better one, see? Just think back to the first seedy one night stand you had and how it was a disappointing screw with nothing to it other than shame the morning after. Now think about the last long term lover who knew which buttons to press and just when to press them. That's what learning and growing together is.

Now a lot of the people that have passed through my hands over time have thought that the first time they got on their knees would be the moment they'd been waiting for. Like being naked and cuffed was going to be like it is on the bondage sites and in the porn they downloaded and whacked off to. Wrong. Its the single most challenging thing anyone can do to themselves. Naked as the day they were born, usually as hard as a rod of steel and as nervous as a turkey at Thanksgiving. Then there I am, staring down at them, smirking and letting just enough panic set in before I even speak, let alone lay one single finger on their skin. That's the last chance time when they tend to back out and sure, a few have, but more haven't.

See I like a man to be a man as well as my sub. For me the play is just a sexual thing. I don't keep these guys chained to a pole while I go out for a few beers and have them eat out of a dog dish on the floor or get them to suck me off while I watch SportsCenter. That's just fuckin' amateurs and morons who want to make themselves feel better about not knowing what to do next with someone. I'm not saying that play always ends at the bedroom door but I never intentionally take it out onto the porch. What's lost on people is that when someone surrenders to you absolutely that's the closest you're ever gonna get to touching another human soul. You control it. You make its decisions and it doesn't resist you. That's a helluva responsibility and it extends a damn sight further than a slap on each ass cheek and making someone call you Master.

So back to Matt. He was trying to give off vibes that to show that he knew what was going down. He'd knelt for me which I've got to admit was all kinds of a turn on after the way he'd let me pin him down but I had to know that he was aware what kneeling for me meant. I wasn't going to jack him off while he purred for me to stop and send him home happy. I wanted to love, dominate and satisfy him all at the same time. Hell, that's not an easy task but its what I'm about as a top.

I helped him to his feet and drew him into my arms but he seemed all wooden and awkward. I leant into his ear and told him that I wasn't gonna hurt him, that he could trust me with his secrets and desires, that I'd look after him and that he didn't have to do anything he didn't want to. I told him that the front door was still unlocked and that he could just take himself off out of it with nothing more to be said about what had gone down if that's what he wanted. I just wanted to make sure that he was sure.

"_Hunter, I wanna do this with you but I'm not real up on this stuff, not properly. I just don't...well...just don't expect me to know all the rules, cos I don't and I don't want to disappoint you."_

His honesty was welcome, the evidence of it in the fact that his eyes were anywhere but locked up with mine. The nerves brought the country twang out of his voice and I couldn't help but think of how he'd sound begging me to fuck him. Getting my mind back on the job I told him not to worry, that I wasn't expecting anything heavy outta him to start with but I would be wiling to teach him, to help him get what he wanted. With that I felt his body relax like every muscle took that deep breath with him. His head pressed on my chest and I gathered him in tight, giving him as much of a sign as I could that I'd take care of him. I can't go all chocolate and rose petals or it ain't gonna work but I can show concern and care which I can only hope gets returned with submission to and trust in me.

I released him and gestured towards the staircase and he moved aside to let me climb them first. I nodded at him in thanks and acknowledgement, glad that I'd gone up before him because of the prominent swelling in the front of my jeans. The kid was hot and seemed like he was more than up for this. It looked like game on.

At the top of the stairs I asked him to go and take a shower, making sure that he washed thoroughly everywhere and to come out naked. I said I would wait for him in the room next door which was the play room, kitted out in all the necessary furniture and accessories. As I could hear the water start to run I went to change myself, plucking my favourite leather jeans and a white vest from the drawers where my nicer play clothes were kept. What? You didn't think I'd like to dress for the occasion? Its a matter of respect. I ask that they wash and clean themselves I don't see why I shouldn't make an effort to set the scene for them too.

After a few minutes I went into the play room, getting a few things out ready on the large bed in the middle of the room. Leather cuffs were the main focus though, a beautiful set made from the softest blackest leather that I'd ever found. They were far from cheap but that didn't matter. I closed my eyes and stroked the chain that linked them, the cold steel an icy kiss against my fingertips that sent a shiver through me, the thought of locking Matt's wrists into them was enough to cause another major twitch of my crotch. It had been a while since anyone had been this much of a thrill for me; the thought of breaking Matt a predominant one in my mind.

I realised that the sound of the running water had stopped and after a few minutes there was a quiet knock on the door. I called for Matt to enter and he came in and closed the door behind him, as naked as the day he was born and a fine sight with it. I was pleased to see that the shower had done nothing to dampen his ardour, a thick hard on straining away from his body. Calling him over I noted that his tacky as shit Hardy Boys pendant still hung around his neck on the chain I'd ragged at before. Once he was close enough I latched two fingers inbetween his skin and the chain, tugging hard to bring his face close to mine. His warm breath blew against my cheek and I bit at his lip roughly, pulling at it with my teeth as he whimpered at the sting coming from the bite.

Releasing the plump flesh from between my teeth I told him that he'd not done as he was told. Naked meant naked. I saw a glassy wetness in his eyeballs, the fear in them obvious. The kid thought he'd fucked up from the off and it was all over. Little did he know that I didn't mind so much, it gave me the perfect in for what I'd got planned all along.

Reaching around to the back of his neck I unclipped it, making sure to pull it against the warm damp skin just hard enough to make him feel it. I palmed it and slid it into my pocket and watched his hands twitch as his body was telling him to cover the exposed flesh up. Before he dared to try I secured a hand around his throat, brushing the marks I left earlier with my thumb and intently inspecting the other side of his neck. I turned his head away exposing that the tiny red marks were already bruising in places. I couldn't help but to cover them with my fingers like a game of twister.

I reminded him that I was in charge and then when I asked him to do something he'd damned best well do it, that included being able to undress himself like a grown man. He nodded meekly and mumbled an apology. In moving my hand to support the point of his chin I steered his head back around to bring him face to face with me and asked him to apologise properly.

"_Sorry Hunter...."_

Taking a deep breath I asked him to apologise properly.

"_Hunter, honestly, I'm real sorry."_

His tone was one of concern, the not knowing as to why his first one was rejected. In one fell swoop I looped one arm under his, kicking his legs out so that he draped against my arm as he slid onto his knees. I reached over for the cuffs and opened them out, the buckles sparkling in the gentle light. I held them out, inviting Matt to slide his wrists into them silently with not a word spoken. As his tanned flesh breached the black leather I looped them shut, fastening the buckles tightly.

The kids face was a picture, his eyes wide when he saw the black bands gripping his skin. I saw him tug them to see how secure they were and when he realised that there was no way out I actually heard the gulp and loved it. I never get tired of seeing fear. Sick, huh? There ain't a human emotion that's harder to fake so I know when they're for real cos their fear is too. It's kinda why its hard to top someone you already love rather than loving someone who starts off your sub. Imagine taking your lover and watching them tremble because they know you're about to beat them till they scream. Not so easy is it hotshot? I hope it gives you a little bit more respect for what I do.

I asked if he was known for his short memory and if he could remember how to address me properly. The realisation that fell upon his face was a sight. Nobody wants to be the sub that can't remember that they need to say Sir. Pardon the expression but its a schoolboy error. I wasn't being tough on the kid though. You might think I'm being mean. Well, sure I am, but that's what this is all about. He needs the discipline to be himself and I need to give it. He only feels bad because he wants to submit and has made a mistake so don't worry about him.

"_Sir, I'm real sorry. I didn't mean to not undress right and I never meant to disrespect you."_

The way in which he bowed his head made the damp kinky hair fall down over his shoulders and down the sides of his face and I wasn't sure I'd ever seen a prettier sight in a man. I told him that his apology was accepted but to be more careful as I wasn't always going to be so forgiving of his mistakes. He thanked me and I turned to walk away, headed towards a plain wooden chair I kept in the corner.

I dragged it towards where Matt knelt and sat down on it, sitting wide legged, arms crossed over my chest. I told him to look at me and he snapped his head straight up, staring me straight in the eyes. I could tell the kid was still nervous, his chest was rising and falling as fast as if he'd just run a sprint. I explained to him that we'd start small and work our way up, gave him the safe word and that I had the first task that I wanted him to carry out straight away. I asked Matt to get himself off, right there and then.

It might seem kinda harsh. The kid is just starting to get his head round the fact that he's going to sub to me. He's fucked up, been taken down and made to apologise to me. I'm sat staring down into him and he's now got to jack off while I sit and watch. Stuff like that is small fry, its just the beginning with me. I'm gonna make this kid come so hard it nearly kills him every time he steps in this room but he's got to be able to get over himself for me to do that. See, I told you, this isn't like the movies. Submission is a complicated thing and it knocks the stuffing out of the biggest of men who think they can handle whatever I throw at them. I've seen it all before, trust me.

"_Y...yes...S...Sir."_

I nodded at Matt and acknowledged his reply. I watched as slowly he took his cuffed hands down to his groin area and figured out how he could do it with his hands restrained as they were. Slowly he curled all his fingers around his shaft, touching the flesh as gingerly as if it were on fire. I looked up at his face and his eyes were screwed shut tight, a deep blush on his cheeks as he started to jerk himself.

I let him have a few minutes working at himself awkwardly, feeling the frustration and embarrassment that seemed to me to be the problem. I asked if was the fact that I was watching him that was the problem and he took a moment longer than the truth to answer me in the negative. I smirked at his lie, knowing how hard it must be to kneel there with someone just waiting for you to get your rocks off.

The next part was always my favourites. Its the first of the many headfucks that come with being a sub. See, it doesn't always have to be physical domination. I know that in a few months time this kid won't need cuffs. He'll know when he can use his hands and what for. If he earns my collar he won't need it to know that he belongs to me. I won't need to force him onto his knees calling me Sir and swallowing me down his throat because he'll need that more than I will. More than that though, he'll feel safe in doing all those things and I'll have given him that freedom. I can tell you still don't get it though. Its a good job some of us do.

I asked Matt if he wanted any help and waited for the reply. He didn't know what to say, the furrow in his brow giving him away. I knew in his head he'd love to say yes, to feel my hands around his cock and be able to not feel so vulnerable or exposed. I also knew he'd be trying to decide whether or not I was serious, not wanting to get burned by getting the answer wrong again.

I made the decision for him. Rising from the chair he never saw me coming, his eyes still shut tight. Winding one hand into his hair and placing the other on his chest I knocked him backwards as I'd done before in the hall and laid him with his back flat to the floor. I knelt beside him, not letting his hair out of my hand and I warned him not to stop. His hands kept pumping away, the purpling head finally starting to leak and glisten.

I said I wanted his orgasm, wanted to see the cum squirting out of his long thick cock. I told him what a beautiful slutty sight he made fisting himself off just for me to watch and that I was getting real hard myself just watching him following my instructions. Listening to him start to breathe hard I knew that he was what I was looking for. He spread his legs open and bent them at the knees, working his hips up to meet the strokes of his hands, the crimson in his cheeks growing deeper as he started towards the home run.

As he panted I told him what a good little sub he was, doing exactly what I told him and that I was pleased with him. Smirking a little I told him that I couldn't wait to slide my cock inside him whether he begged me to do it or begged me to stop; that I'd bend him over and fuck his ass until he could only think of me. Sure, I intended to do all that stuff but he needed to get used to me first. I wanted him to get off on being watched as that was the least of the tasks I'd got lined up.

With a strangulated groan he released his cock and it stood proud from his belly, the thick white streams splashing on his skin up almost as far as his chin.. Rutting away from the floor a few more times I knew he was spent, his chest heaving and heat radiating from his cheeks. Knowing his eyes were still shut I ran a hand over my own crotch. I was throbbing myself but I'd fix my own problem later. The cum painted a splashy pattern over his tanned skin and I ran a finger thorough the pool that was forming just about his navel. Taking that finger I smeared the warm liquid over his lips observing with lust and amusement as his tongue darted out in an almost automatic reaction to taste himself and draw my finger into his mouth to clean it.

After a minute I cradled the back of his head and pulled him to sitting and then standing with the cuffs as leverage. Unfastening the cuffs I ran a hand through his hair and asked if he was ok.

_"I'm... yes, Sir, I'm fine. Really fine."_

The smile that spread across his face told me more than his voice could hope to. Matt clearly had potential and I thought about shoving him over the chair and taking him there and then. However, my innate sense told me that he'd keep for another day. I thanked him for his obedience and said that our session was over. I said he was free to use the shower, to stay a while or to go if he wanted to; whatever he was most comfortable with. After saying he'd like to get cleaned up he backed across the room towards the door, pausing when he got there and shyly smiling, uttering the precious two words that my subs say to me the most.

"_Thank you."_

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**A/N: So, I think it works better if one of them speaks, it certainly will in the next ch which I've already got plans for. All reads and reviews appreciated as always :)**


	4. Chapter 4

_Again, italics are Matt speaking. Please bear in mind that everything he says is worded how I see him saying it in character, pretty much the same with Hunter too. Enjoy :)_

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So he hung around for a while that day, showered and had a coffee. We didn't talk a whole lot about what had happened but I could tell with the goofy expression on his face that I'd made his journey worthwhile. Like I said at the beginning, I don't get many complaints. I gave him my cell number; the one for my real cell that only about a half dozen people have. I said he could call me any time he wanted to shoot the breeze and that if he wanted to play again it was down to him to hit me up cos I wasn't gonna call him to beg. The kid looked a little crestfallen but he's not mine yet so I'm not gonna try and tell him when he's gotta turn up to get fucked.

After an hour or so it was turning pretty dark outside and he said he had to go which I never doubted for a second was true. We chatted idly on the porch and after a few moments of awkwardness where in truth neither of us knew whether we should shake hands, hug or maybe just do nothing at all, Matt headed for his truck and drove off.

Late into that night I laid thinking about the kid and what went down with us. It'd been a while since I'd met anyone that I thought might have the makings of someone who'd be able to wear my collar. I'd seen something in him that I liked a lot; the sense that his full obedience didn't seem like it'd be too easily given up was one of them. The other was the fact that I could sense he liked it pretty far out there. I'm always game for that kinda ride. If it pushes me as well as them then it's all good. I drifted off to sleep that night smiling, wondering if he'd call and just what it meant if he did.

~~x~~

The knock at the door late the following afternoon had been a dead giveaway. I hadn't been expecting anyone and most of the people who knew me would think twice about interrupting me when I'd been lucky to secure a break at home. I strolled through to answer it and there stood Matt, hair wet and hung loose around his shoulders. The fresh, citrus-like smell hit me and I knew then that he'd prepared himself already and I had a fair idea just what he'd come around for.

Not being a rude person a lot of people think I am I invited him in and gestured for him to go through to the kitchen. Sure he shouldn't have turned up just when he felt like it but the full rules don't apply if the leather isn't locked down. Being the vain bastard that I sometimes am I ran a hand through my unkempt hair and tried to make it look at least presentable. I followed him up the hall and sure, I checked him out. That ample backside had a sway as he walked and, yeah, I stepped up a little quicker behind him. My intention had been to slam him against the wall and slap some warmth into his ass but I stopped when I thought better of it. The kid might have just been there to tell me that yesterday was all some big mistake. I knew had to respect that until he gave me the nod that I didn't have to.

I boiled the kettle as we made idle smalltalk to break the silence of the room. He carried the drinks over to the table and sat down on the chair nearest the one at the head of the table which was obviously mine. He looked kinda intimidated and I didn't blame him. It had taken some balls to come back without so much as a call. Little did he know that I'd already got that figured out. It wasn't some brave or foolhardy gesture. Matt came in person in the hope that I'd not notice that he'd been too scared to call me. He wanted this, wanted it, just couldn't yet bring himself to say it. I get it, y'know, rejection. You think as a dom I don't get rejected more than the subs do? These guys come to me and when I make them see what they really are it freaks them out and I never see them again. I mean, its not my fault I know what I'm doing or that I know what they are before they undo their top button. Same way I can't do anything other than open the door for them to come through of if they're brave enough. Most don't call back so I don't get too attached. There's always a new wannabe who gets sent my way eventually so I don't get too bored.

Part of me revelled in the way he squirmed in his seat. Every time I so much as moved my arm to grab my drink he twitched his arm or leg. The eagerness was refreshing; no old baggage weighed down the links that had slowly formed between us. Having finished my drink I needed to break the deadlock so I stood and walked to the door. Casually I asked if he'd care to join me upstairs. His haste nearly cost me a new table, let alone the clean up bill for the black rubber marks his cheap boots made on the tiled floor. I couldn't help but smile and walked out into the hall, knowing he was barely inches behind me.

~~x~~

Once back in the playroom I asked him to undress and smirked as I reminded him dryly that he had better do it properly today. I noticed in the corner of my eye that his hand had reached up to his neck, caressing the empty space that he'd wisely decided not to fill. I felt half sorry for him. The security that comes with collars and chains is precious to subs like this kid you see. Without one they feel empty, insecure and lonely. You see these guys wearing anything from a thin string to a leather studded dog collar and if you try to touch any of 'em they'll rip your hand off. Give it a try next time you're stood in the street laughing at someone with one on. I'd say come back and tell me how it went but I already got a pretty good idea about who'd win that brawl.

I secured his wrists into the cuffs again and the difference between the two days was clear. His hands didn't shake as much, to my eye his lip didn't quiver and I liked the look in his eyes, a spark of fire and flight that I knew he had. The kid felt vulnerable in a different way now he knew me a little. I reckoned he was feeling a little braver which was good. It was the peg he put himself up that I could work on knocking down if he thought we'd got past his induction into my world already.

The room was at half light, the drapes open but the thin voile obscuring us both from even the most determined of prying eyes. There's some real crazy rumours about me round here, I think my callers raise some middle class eyebrows. Mad thing is they know I'm a famous wrestler so people are gonna come visit me, right? Sure not all the guys that I have around are prime physical specimens but hey, cut a guy some slack.

The kid started to drop to his knees but I told him to stop and stand back up straight. I asked him to go and lie face down on the bed and I saw him stiffen up and stay planted where he stood. I've got to admit I was a little shocked at his reluctance as yesterday he'd been laid on the damned floor jacking off and still came back for more. I asked him again with a little more force behind the order. Still he refused, a sad head shake seemed to be all the reply he could muster.

I walked over to him and put my nose to his, and no, that didn't mean my feet were in another state funny guy. I dropped the tone of my voice and asked him what the hell he was playing at wasting my time. I meant it, every syllable of it cos I hadn't and haven't got time to mess around. This kind of play means a lot to me. It's who I am and I'm not gonna change that for some wet-behind-the-ears kid. A single tear escaped from his left eye and rolled down his cheek and I've got to be honest, I was as confused as hell right then with whatever game I thought he might be playing.

"_Sir, I don't mean to not do what you're asking me, and I'm real sorry that you think I'm wasting your time but I...I...its just, I have a...thing and I probably shoulda said before. I'm just, it's a...."_

His mumbled words didn't make a sentence let alone any sense and I waited for the next word that never came. There would always come a time when my sub got cold feet, I like to push them hard and I've always understood that's a challenge but its never been when I all I've asked them to do is lie down on the fucking bed. I stepped back and looked over his face and he seemed to be suffering some. I still had no idea why so I asked him to continue telling me. After much head shaking he still hadn't enlightened me any. I asked him if he wanted to get dressed and leave and he said that he didn't. How was I supposed to know what the hell was wrong if he wasn't gonna tell me?

The silence deafened me and to be honest, games wear thin quick with me. If you're old enough to get tied up and fucked then you're old enough to talk about it. That's not an unreasonable statement in my eyes. I moved to walk around the side of him to go pick his clothes up off the chair near the door. When I brushed past he turned away, his back facing away from me and towards the bed. I asked if I'd told him to move and as he trembled and cowered away I knew there was something wrong. Real wrong.

"_No Sir, you never told me to move. I'm sorry I moved Sir, I just didn't want you to see...."_

Again I looked over his face. The kid was plainly terrified of something. His breath hitched in his throat as he covered his face with his cuffed hands. My head pounded with the mixed messages it received from my eyes and my heart, part of me wondered if this was a stunt but I suppose even then I knew it wasn't. This kid wasn't some prissy bitch who had no idea what I was about. He'd come back after yesterday and all I'd done to him but that made how he behaved all the harder to figure out.

I grabbed his shoulders and turned him round away from me. In response his body tensed hard and then buckled at the middle as the low sobs echoed around the room. I scanned his back and saw nothing until I looked down at his thighs. Across each one was a criss crossed pattern of deep red scars, clearly old but painted onto his skin forever. They stretched from the cleft of his ass to just above the knee. Now I'm gonna admit that my stomach churned hard and I wished to God I'd not had that coffee. I'll level with you, I've seen some pretty harsh handiwork over time but that was the worst I'd seen. There was barely any undamaged flesh left on show and I sure as hell knew then why the kid wore those long tights at work.

Of course in that second I understood the kid's pain and fear. He hadn't wanted me to see the scars as they told too much about him. Maybe he was embarrassed of them. I got that. What I needed to know was whether or not they'd been put there against his will. Now, you'll never find me hitting the back of a thigh that hard, in fact I don't believe in drawing blood anywhere intentionally at all. He'd had a harsh bastard do that to him, that I did know. This is all about hurt and comfort, not hurt, damage and more fucking hurt.

I turned him back to face me and the tears had streaked his face. I brushed the newest ones away with my fingers and asked him why he'd been so scared to tell me, my other hand rested gently on his shoulder.

"_Well, Sir, I wanted to tell you but I didn't want you thinking bad of me. I tried to get the words out to explain but I just couldn't. I'm sorry Sir and if you don't want me no more I'll understand. I know you won't want me now you know I've got someone else's mark on me."_

He bowed his head low so that his chin rested on his chest and I tried to take in what he'd said, desperately trying to make sense of it so as not to leave him stood scared too long. At that moment, and I'll be honest, I wanted to scoop him up, hold him like a newborn and let the kid cry his fucking lungs out on me. It went through me that he'd been carrying so many kinds of scar for Christ knows how long and I could tell he hadn't told anyone too much about them or how they wound up being there.

After a couple of minutes that felt like a lifetime to me I realised what I had to do and asked him if he trusted me. A slow nod was all I needed to see. I asked him to stay there and I went over to the dresser and grabbed a blindfold and a few other things from the top drawer. I guided him round to the side of the bed and told him to sit down as I tossed all but the blindfold down beside him. I asked Matt to look at me and as I reached to stretch the elastic around his head I watched the lids close over puffy red eyes. I stooped down and planted a half dozen reassuring kisses on the top of his head. He panted and trembled but never once fought or pushed me away. That's when I knew I could at least try to help the kid and that the only way for him to get past the hurt was to get to the truth.

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**A/N: Please forgive any mistakes in this, I've gone cross eyed reading and changing it and it is, as ever, unbeta'd. All reads and reviews appreciated as ever. **


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: This chapter is a bit darker than the others so just bear that in mind. There is still bad language and strong imagery that might be a little bit too much for some, depending on how strong your constitution is. As before, Matt speaking is in italics and its written in character.**

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Even someone as legitimately ruthless as me couldn't help but feel for the kid. I'm not into pain when its out of context y'know. As I watched that kid sit there and tremble it was a tough judgement call for me too. These are the times that most people look away, pretend that stuff never happened. That's not me. You know how they say that the truth will set you free? Well whoever 'they' were, they're damn right. In the same way that some of they guys I've scened with wanted to be strapped down and made to admit they liked it rough and dirty, some people need to be stripped of their fear before they start on the journey. When you're stuck somewhere like this with your escape routes blocked then maybe that's the time to spill your guts; for the kid to spill his guts to me.

I genuinely wanted to understand what he'd been through. I also needed to make a decision on whether or not he was in the right place enough to carry on with me. I didn't want to be promising this kid a collar if he couldn't find it in himself to trust me enough to wear it, or trust himself enough to abide by wearing it. Mainly I wanted him to front it out to himself. I never believed in that 'a problem shared is a problem halved' shit until I got mixed up in domination full time. The things people blurt out when they're in full blown sensory deprivation and reach down into their hurt souls in the safety of my control, well, it'd burn your ears forever. But I don't tell. I just lock it away and know I'm doing my job. Opening people up is my speciality and I figured Matt might need a little of it too.

I reminded him of our safe word and told him just to do as I said. I asked him to be honest with me no matter what he thought I might think of him and not to bullshit me with what he thought I wanted to hear. He nodded and I pulled his legs up so he fell back onto the bed. The breath he took in sounded like I'd just hit him one in the breadbasket but I knew he was ok. He had the word if it got too much. I rolled him over onto his side and then flat down onto his belly, his head rested on his cuffed hands, propped up on one of the pillows.

The second his skin felt the cool air I saw his legs clamp together trying to hide the scars. I read that reaction and it was clear then that the kid wasn't just hiding 'em from me because he'd had them put there by someone else. He was hiding them because he never asked for them and didn't want them. Any sub that took the hellish beating their black heart wanted to leave stripes like that would be spreading up pretty and showing them off like peacock feathers. This kid wasn't doing anything like.

It made me angry that anyone would go that far. Even after so clearly being abused the kid still wanted to find his feet as a sub and I'd gotta give him props for that. I'd seen how much he was fighting himself and me. It must've taken him a whole lot of nerve to come back and even risk ending up into a position where I'd see the scars up close. There was no cover of darkness, no being thrown on the floor where its harder to see and I've got to say I never noticed them. Probably because I was distracted by the throbbing in my pants but hey, who wouldn't have been? In fact, don't answer that.

I knelt one leg on the edge of the bed and slowly ran my fingers over the scars nearest to the back of his knee. He flinched and twisted as I did it but I pinned him down with my other hand clamped on the small of his back. I ran a finger over each and every line, pressing down where the flesh was the least red, not missing a single welt. He bucked and fought me but I was too strong and he was too angry. He burned out pretty quick and soon got tired of the struggle. I rubbed at the damaged skin, careful not to make it sore or tender, just hard enough for the kid to feel. I tried to let him know that it was okay, that I didn't mind that the marks were there. They certainly didn't scare me or put me off the kid. If anything they made me more keen on sorting out his fucked up mind. I cared y'know. So sue me. Tough love, remember?

All the noise in the room then was breathing and the stifled sniffs from the head end of the bed where the kid had his head on his cuffed hands. I never liked the thought of anyone weeping when they were with me but I knew this was one set of tears that needed to be cried out. I couldn't do anything to take the kid's memories away; all I could do was try and wash the pain outta them and replace them with what he needed. A variety of what he needed that wouldn't lead him down the road of what he'd received from some kinda bastard who had him in their control before I did.

I rubbed my hands all up the back of his body, not spending too much time on anywhere as I moved them up to his shoulders where I scraped the hair back off his face and laid it down the middle of his back. That hair was more than invitingly soft and on any other day I would've had my hand twisted into it while pounding deep into the kid as he begged for more. And yeah, they do beg for more of me, especially when I made them go without for a few days for cheeking me or not doing as they're told. If you've never topped someone heart and soul you won't have a clue how it feels withholding the basest pleasures from the one person who craves your approval and your sex more than anything else in the world. Its the reason so many doms get too carried away with it all. The control power trip makes viagra look as effective as tying a limp cock to a string of cooked spaghetti, trust me.

The pillow under his head had changed colour where the tears had run down under the blindfold and soaked into it and I got him to prop himself up for a minute. The way the tears had streaked the skin looked like it was in danger of chapping his cheeks red raw so I turned the pillow over and stroked his hair all the while. I told him he could lie back down and I continued talking to him a little though I knew what I was asking of him was a lot.

I asked the kid to tell me exactly how he got the marks and how he felt about them. The way he sucked down that next breath nearly cleared the entire room of air and he tensed up head to toe. Now I knew that he was gonna be shitting square bricks at letting any of that talk get out in the open. He'd been sat on it for so long and I guarantee you that every day he opened his eyes it would've been there, eating him away. I told him that if he couldn't tell me then I didn't think he would be suited to me and the way I handle my subs, that I needed absolute, total honesty and submission and if he couldn't give me that then I'd gladly let him up and away right there. His forehead was still pressed against the leather cuffs and I watched as he shook his head and the tidied hair splayed back out over his skin.

Its hard to push anyone that far. Breaking point is as hard to watch as it is to get to, that much I know. Don't ask me how I know cos I won't be telling. I held my breath for a second and couldn't help but wonder why I cared so much. I should just tell them to get their things and come back to me when they'd got their problems sorted. Yeah,yeah, I meant to say 'them'. Troubled country boy isn't the first wounded animal that ended up here with me. The difference is that this one came back and that meant something to me the moment I opened the door and he was stood there. He saw in me a chance, a flicker of hope and he came back. The others took what I gave the first time and headed for the hills, dumping their shit and making tracks. Sometimes I feel like that drunk bitch at the end of the bar who always picks the male equivalent of the three legged dog at the track. Un-fucking-lucky.

I asked him a final time to tell me what had happened and made a vow to myself that if he couldn't talk of it then he had to go. I was done wasting my life trying to fix what people wanted to stop broken. Another couple of moments passed awkwardly and I shuffled off the bed with all intentions of undoing the cuffs and telling the kid to dress and leave. I heard the faintest noise and looked down as he turned his head to the side, his features obscured by the inky hair. The kid had cleared his throat and I caught sight of his lips getting slicked with what must've been the last of the moisture in his body. I held my tongue for a second and then the voice came and it filled the room, albeit too softly to cause an echo.

"_Hun- I mean, Sir, I never really talk about it, I've tried but the right words, they just don't come. I'm a start with tellin' you a little bit about me so you'll understand why I got those markings, why I'm so ashamed of 'em being there. _

_Back when I was around nineteen I knew I was different. I already had an idea that it was only guys that did it for me and I was cool with that. I went out, played around a little with some local boys and it firmed up for me what I thought I knew about myself. Trouble was that as time started to pass the touch of another man stopped being enough. I'd start to rile 'em up good so they'd slap me or punch me up a little, nothing too heavy at the outset though. Trouble was that they always felt so bad for hurtin' me it was always gentle sex that followed. I knew in my dark heart even then I wanted them to keep on hurtin' me, I deserved a beatin' and couldn't understand why they couldn't give it to me. _

_When I got to 21 I went up to the city every weekend, thinking I already wrote the book on livin' the kind of life I wanted. I cruised the guys, hung my ass out to everyone that would have me and spent more time down on my knees in that stinkin' bathroom stall than the cheapest hooker on the block. Thing was, I didn't care no more. I wanted to be used up, spat out, beat down; I was coming to terms with me, with the fact that I needed to be beat to get off. It scared me that I was like that. I knew I wasn't normal no more. _

_So one night, I go to the bar, a guy buys me a few drinks and I ask him if he wants to come to the bathroom with me. He was a rough looking guy, tattoos and ragged up clothes but I didn't care. For a couple of minutes he'd be able to make the hunger in me stop. I'm ashamed to say that I prob'ly needed him more than he ever wanted me. But he turns me down, says he ain't gonna screw in no stall. Wants to take me outside, down the alley at the side of the bar. By now I'm kinda oiled and just said yes, never thought twice about it. I didn't care much for what he was gonna do to me, all I was gonna do was take the hard stuff and kill the empty feelin' in my belly for another few days. _

_I followed him outside, just like he said and I went down the alley, prob'ly knowing I was doing something a lil silly, maybe even downright dangerous. He takes me into a little recess in the wall and shoves me against the brickwork, slobberin' and touching all over me. I just closed my eyes like I always did and hoped he'd get to pounding me quick. Thing was, this time was different. 'Fore I know it I'm laid face down with my head on a garbage bag nursing a bust lip and he's pulling my pants down. I remember the smell, the wet floor and the garbage as if it were today. He pinned me down pretty handy and kicked my legs apart then went for it._

_Now maybe I was meant to be fighting him but I just couldn't. He wasn't rapin' me, I knew what I'd gone down that piss-stinking alley for. He was clawin' at my hair, driving into me till I was screaming against that black sack for all I was worth. Finally it was like someone switched the bulb on and it was then I knew; then when I lay spilling my shit onto the concrete like I'd never done before. After he helped up and said he liked a wildcat like me. I blushed so damn hard I nearly gave myself burns. He knew what I needed. Just like you Sir, just like...well, maybe you're not so much like him...."_

He paused for a second, took a while to settle himself back down. He'd not raked this bunch of memories up for a good time I reckon. No reason to and I'll bet nobody ever asked before. Nobody cared enough to understand the kid's need for pain. See, I'd sat on the bed dumbstruck and just listened to what the kid had to say. Sure he wasn't able to run straight onto the why and how of those markings but he had to get himself to a point where that made sense for him to tell. He wanted to give me the backstory so that I wouldn't judge. I got that.

As I sat and waited I couldn't help but think it was a pretty shitty way to discover who you were. Still, at least he got out of it alive and unscathed. I couldn't say the same for his time with whoever put the marks there. I wished hard to have been able to intervene in the major beat down he'd taken. I sure as hell would've unleashed a worse one on whoever did it. I don't throw with my hands too often outside the ring but I can and will if its needed. If anyone can hold their own its me and I was damned sure right there that this kid was never gonna get hurt like that again. Whether he ran outta that room and never came back to me I swore I'd watch his back and I'm a man of my word as I'm sure you already know.

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**A/N: Thanks everyone for your reads and reviews on this, I know its been a challenging read and I'm humbled by the kind words people have had for this story. Hope you enjoy this chapter and there's definitely more to come :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: As with the rest of this story this is a strongly BDSM themed fic and if you've kept up with the other parts you'll know that this chapter is going to feature the darker side of it all. If you don't like it or think you'll be offended by it then please don't read it. If you're not sure, at least go back and read ch5 for some kind of indicator. **

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_And I will bare my soul in time, when I'm kneeling at your feet.........._

~~x~~

A minute or so passed and I could tell he was steeling himself up for the home run of his tale. He didn't shake or twitch on the outside but he was pretty churned up. I rubbed a hand across his shoulders, squeezed a little bit and told him that we could do this some other time. Again, he shook his head and said he wanted to carry on and so we did.

"So after that, I knew I wanted something a lil different to most folks. I knew I needed the feel of someone takin' me over to really get off. It was what stopped me going to that bar and getting myself into trouble. And don't worry, I was nearly always safe and I've been tested over and over and I'm clean. I got lucky but I'd be more than willing to get tested again just to prove I'm no risk to you Sir.

I started lookin' on the internet and getting a feel for how many people were out there that wanted all the things I did. I knew there were plenty people wanted the same things, I just had to find out how they got them. I ain't never been brave enough to walk up to anybody and ask them if they'd tie me up and hurt me. So I planned to meet a couple of guys and they brought me round to the ideas all about submission. The first guy was nice but he didn't want to see anyone more than a few times. He tied me up, talked real dirty to me and fucked me hard and I more than thanked him for it. He was kind but maybe too kind for me, for what I really wanted.

The second guy, well, he was a lil strange. He was the one that taught me to kneel for my Master. He went through the respect stuff with me, showing me how to keep my eyes down, how to respond when I was spoken to, how to kneel right; all that kinda stuff. Thing was that in the couple of months I was seeing him he never laid a finger on me. Said I wasn't ready. Now I know that might've been the case, I never claimed to anyone I met that I was real experienced but I just felt like he enjoyed ordering me around because he could. I was on my knees with his feet on my back like a stool half the time. And as much as I've been grateful to offer myself in servitude to any Master who is generous enough to take me on I just didn't feel like he was taking me anywhere I needed to be.

Thing is Sir, that now I regret that decision with all my heart. I met someone else through a friend I made and that's how I've come to be marked up so bad. Like I said, I've been turned down before cos a Master has seen the marks and doesn't want me. They never stop to find out how they came to be there or that I wish I could still be pure for them. Sir, I already feel ashamed enough of who I am most the time without the taint of that which I can't never remove.

My last Master, well he wasn't what he made out to be. I shoulda gotten out of that long before I did but I wanted to believe what he said, what he said he could do for me and to me. He seemed to know what I needed at first, slapping me up some and then giving it to me hard. He liked more of the pain than the serving and manners I'd been trained to give so it was new to me. I'll be truthful, we had a lot of contact with each other and he marked me up all over a few times. I didn't mind so much at first, it was real nice to get with someone who understood what I wanted and needed for so long. It all started to go wrong after I turned him away from my home one night when I was tired, sick and more busted up that he thought I was.

The next time I visited him he dragged me to his playroom, tied me up and left me alone in that room for 3 hours. I laid there and cried like a newborn. I realised then that the safeword we had wasn't worth nothing as he wasn't there to hear me say the word same as he wasn't there to untie me. Eventually he came back and asked me if was sorry for refusing his request the time before. I apologised like I ain't never done before, I was just so glad he let me go outta that room. He told me that he'd had to punish me for being so disobedient and I suppose I just accepted that as part of my role as his slave. I'm supposed to serve a Master with everything I am and everything I have, I know that and if you ever ask me for anything I'll never say no Sir. I promise I won't."

Right at that point it was a good job the kid couldn't see my face. The silent tear that leaked from my eye for everything the kid had gone through was letting out a whole lot of clues about my humanity and that underneath all this bluster I do care. I hated the thought of what was probably going through his mind when he was left like that having offered himself up like a fucking sacrificial lamb for an asshole like that. The worst thing was that I knew he was about to tell me how his legs got so damaged and I was guessing it was the same guy that did it. Another fucking amateur that knows as much about being a dom as most folks do - nothing. I took a deep breath and covered it with a cough, stroking at his hair every once in a while to let him know I was still there, still listening and maybe more importantly, still interested in him.

Now I can get over it because I didn't do it to him. Problem was that this last piece of his puzzle was either gonna pull us together and I'd be able to help him heal or it was gonna send us spiralling apart. And yeah, it did mean that much and it is that extreme a call to make. Once you've seen what it takes to dominate someone entirely you'd know how hard it is, and its impossible if someone truly has no limits. Think about it, you can't push a boundary that ain't there, right? With a final clear of his throat he started to speak again and I swallowed hard, still not really ready to hear whatever it was he had to say.

"The last time we played, well now I'm scarred so bad I'm sure you can guess that's the last time I played, period. Thing is, I know you could hurt me right now Sir and I'd just take it cos nothing you can do to me could be worse than that day. He broke me and I just don't know if I'll ever be fixed. All I know is I don't wanna end up like that again if I can help it.

I didn't really want him to tie me up but he wouldn't take no for an answer. He asked me if I wanted to prove to him that I trusted him and wanted to give myself to him like a true sub would. I was so desperate to make him like me, to be everything a good sub should be that I let him put me in the restraints again. At first it was okay. He called me out good and dirty but I've always liked that. I felt myself getting a bit worked up by it all as he told me that I was worthless, useless, fuck ugly and dirty and that I should myself grateful he'd even think of touching me. I kinda like the humiliation side if I'm honest Sir.

It was when he didn't stop saying it and got more an' more personal with it. He started calling Jeff out, saying that he was sure my brother would be a better slave, have a better body, all kindsa stuff that started to make me feel real small altogether, not just because I was tied up and needed that nasty talk. Like at least one time before he'd only touch me once he'd made the tears fall. I just wanted to make him happy so I just agreed with everything he had to say about me. I kinda hoped that he would just get it over with and then let me go as I knew I didn't want him to come near me again. Plenty of what I'd done and who'd I'd been with had made me feel worthless Sir and I just didn't want that no more, not like that.

So I played along with him as best I could but he knew. He'd got an idea my heart wasn't in it and he said that he could fix that, could make me give into him like he knew deep inside I wanted to. He flipped me over and thrashed at me with a flogger until I was fair begging him to stop and he did, then just got on top of me and gave me all he'd got. I wasn't ready, and more than a little scared so it wasn't easy but he still managed it. Sir, I promise I cried that safeword like it was the only word I knew but he never stopped. After he'd messed me up good and proper he got off me and could see I was upset. He told me I should be grateful for him being willing to entertain someone as weak and pathetic as me. He was probably right. I was weak and I think sometimes maybe I still am and that's the reason I want this so bad Sir.

Next thing I know he's telling me that I'm gonna respect him and not play games or tell lies while I'm in his control. He told me that I needed to learn some manners and respect. Sir I got plenty of them but I just couldn't show them to him. I know that might make me a bad slave but I just couldn't. I felt the first few blows landing on my legs and I bit down on my lip so hard I bust it open. I kept on saying I was sorry but he told me he didn't care. The blows kept coming and the last thing I remember was the first real sharp hit at the back of my knees.

I woke up laid face down on the front seat of my truck. It was cold and I knew I was hurt bad but I just wanted to go home, to somewhere safe. I drove all the way home all but stood up in the front cos I couldn't bear the pain in my legs. I had my jeans on and I was kinda grateful that he'd put them back on me while I was out cold cos I don't think I coulda done it myself. Turns out he'd kept my boxers, probably couldn't do with hassle of getting them back on me. After I got home I went up to my room and tried to get undressed. I just couldn't do it. I was crying and swearing cos I thought I was on my own but it turns out Jeff was in his studio up in the loft and could hear me from there. He came down, thought I was sick or something and when he saw the skin on my backside from where I'd managed to get my jeans down he threw up. Sir, that scared me more than anything else that had happened so far if I'm honest.

When he got back from the bathroom he begged me to go to the emergency room to get looked at. I didn't want to explain how I got marked bad so I said no. He played holy hell with me but I felt sick and so tired. All I wanted to do was get my clothes off and get into bed and forget my life ever happened. He came over and wrapped his arms around me and I started crying like I thought I'd never stop. He knew that I was in trouble and that I needed to be looked at. My baby brother sorting my life out cos couldn't. Pathetic wasn't the right word for me that night.

I can look back now and smile at what he did for me although I'm glad he never took up as a nurse. He ran down to the kitchen and came back with a bottle of vodka, some scissors and a pen knife. He took a good swig out of the bottle and then passed it over to me. I drank and drank out of it, hoping it would numb out the pain in my heart as well as just about everywhere from my hips down. Once I'd sunk enough he told me to lay down and bite whatever I came to first. That's when he started cutting at the jeans and every pull of the material made me cry that bit faster. The blood had already started to dry onto the denim and it hurt real bad as he took them off.

I laid on the bed trying to force myself to sleep through the pain. Jeff being Jeff came in and gave me two pills and the rest of the vodka to wash them down with. I was so desperate to forget he could've shot me full of anything and I'd have let him. The last thing I remembered was him saying he was gonna take care of me, sitting alongside me on the bed and stroking my hair, just like you're doing now Sir. I woke up sometime late on the next day and all my legs were treated and bandaged. Turned out Jeff called one of his friends up who's a nurse and she came around late in the night and fixed me up. I was so out of it I never even knew she was there. Jeff even called in and told Vince I'd been beaten up so wouldn't be able to go back on the tour just yet. He was real nice about it. I couldn't tell him any more and despite Jeff pleading and begging I didn't go to the police either. How could I? He was my Master. I'd let him do those things to me and I could hardly rat him out for that.

I spent a couple of weeks at home, Jeff set me up with doctor he knew that jacked me full of stuff to knock the pain out and his nurse friend came around daily to look at the wounds. They both told me I needed to see a skin doctor, that I'd probably need plastic surgery or something to sort it out but I just couldn't do it. I knew that whoever I went to see would want to know what happened but I just wouldn't be able to say. Sure, I got wild drunk a few times and, you know in that hour of real dark night when everything that hurts you comes to mind, well I told Jeff some of how I ended up in that mess. He was angry that I'd let myself get mixed up in something like that but he didn't understand how I could let anyone hurt me in the first place and find a thrill in it. We ain't never talked about it again. I ain't never told anyone else about it until now.

Since then, I just kept myself to myself. Went back to work when I was able, bought real big gifts for that nurse who was just about the only one that got me through it and I never so much as kissed a body since. I...I just couldn't face showing off these scars at first and when I did, they saw my marks and turned me away. And then you came along and a lit a fire under me that I hadn't felt in so long. I came around because I wanted to tell you...to tell you that I'm damaged, that I'm marked real badly by another's hand. Then you asked me if I wanted to come and play and I was nearly up here before you. Yesterday, I felt alive for the first time in so long. I didn't sleep a wink playing over in my mind thinking about how it felt kneeling at your feet, feeling your hands on me...."

The kid's breathing was heavy and his face a hot pink I hadn't seen before. He'd talked for longer that just about anyone I'd ever known but I was glad to have been burdened with every last word of it. And no, I don't just mean the end bit which was all about yours truly. Be it right or wrong I clicked with this kid the first moment he rammed me on the floor. He didn't see it in himself but the recovery from all that pain, all those marks was all but complete. You don't see it? Let me explain in small words that you might just get.

The kid gets hurt, and damn badly at that. He's spent God only knows how long trying to get his head around the way he let someone take control and fuck him up. Thing is, he knows now to stand his ground, hence spearing me through the door. He knows that he has a right, he has a choice as to who he submits to. He's fighting himself inside but as yesterday proved the desire got the upper hand over his shame. There's an uncertainty that his scars are gonna take him out of the marketplace but maybe that's the last bar to jump over. See?

Enough was enough for one session. Sometimes you've gotta realise when the cuffs need to come off and, even though you're the boss of someone, their emotional needs outweigh the physical ones. I reached up scraped his hair back then told him to lift his head. As he did I unbuckled the cuffs and rubbed at his wrists to bring them back to life. What? I told you, I'm not an ogre. I do this because I care. Sure, I want it. I crave being in control and taking people to the place they dreamed of but I'm not like the guys he had before. I'm a true dom who believes in absolute balance. I hurt then I comfort. I bring pain then I soothe. I respect their needs and they respect mine. It works out so don't judge, just try to broaden your mind to understand me.

I asked him to roll over and then sit up and as he did I told him that our session was over. His face was puffed up with the tears and as he thanked me there was a shake in his voice. I guessed that he still didn't know whether or not I was gonna send him packing, maybe got too deep into his own story to realise that I was still there having listened to it all. He didn't realise that nothing had changed for me.

The kid looked into my eyes and I shifted my place on the bed, turning my body towards him and pulling him close to me, his head rested on my shoulder as I wrapped him in my arms. I felt his lips on the skin exposed over the top of my t-shirt and I heard my heart start beating like a drum in my ears. It hit me that I already cared about him as more than a pity project and that nothing he'd said made a damned bit of difference to the things I wanted to do with him. I just hoped that he saw me as more than just someone who was gonna have their nastiest brand of fun with him and then toss him aside, just like all the others. I prefer to be thought of as the next chapter of these guys' experiences whether or not they stick around. I'd rather they only thought good things when they recalled their time tied up for me.

I stroked at the kid's arm and he kissed me a little harder before coming to stop at the bottom of my ear. That's when I heard a real shock string of words come his mouth.

"Help me Hunter. You don't know how much I need this...."

Now they're beautiful pleading words that I cherish from my subs but this time it was different. For all the hurt, for all the pain the kid had suffered they were said in the breathiest 'pin-me-down-and-hurt-me' voice I'd ever heard inside the four walls of that room. Little did he know just how much I wanted to do it all to him and more, how much I needed it too.

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**A/N: So I made myself cry writing this – I'm all angsted out with it :S Hopefully it makes Matt's position clearer and probably complicates Hunter's involvement with him but y'know, these things are hardly ever simple and straightforward.**

**The italicised quote at the top is a line from a James Blunt song that shuffled itself onto my ipod when I was thinking about this story at work and that line just seemed to sum it all up for me even though the rest of the song is irrelevant and slightly boring!**

**If you made it to the end of this chapter thanks for sticking with this, all your reads and all reviews are much appreciated :)**


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